I have moved out to the 'burbs, land of the eternal Ramsey Street, and at time of writing am sitting in an internet cafe in the centre of Melbourne some 55 minutes by train from where I lay my head. There is no internet beyond the borders of the city I am afraid so the reports have been scarce - also I couldn't be bothered last week.

Saw my first spider the other day. It was tiny but it had big old fangs on its face. I was advised to make an end of it, which was harder than I thought. Not morally you understand as I was quick to discard the live-and-let-live attitude I take in the UK towards the arachnid for a more stout Aussie-sounding "might as well put a shoe on it." I figure the things are a danger to my life - kill them.

This was not as easy as I thought - the fiend was capable of teleporting short distances and, as I failed to make contact yet again, I began to wonder who of us had the more stamina. Fortunately the repeat attacks must have drained the power of it's teleportation device and it was soon the filling of the worlds most horrible sandwich - glass, poisonous spider, book about future technology and its effect on business.

I don't doubt for a second that the creature was a meer emissary for the really spider that lurks out there still, and has been since my arrival. Awakened from a thousand year sleep it prowls across the countryside now, its every step bringing it closer to its destiny - and my face....

They say that throughout your lifetime you will eat 5 spiders in your sleep. If this were the case there would be a lot more dead Australians.